slobjection | [catchall for lili mc lils]

[ here goes!!! ]

To be honest.... after all we've been through, I can't see in terms like "guilty" or "innocent" anymore. Everyone here is under threat of coercion, it's all a farce -- meant to pit us against each other, derive as much suffering as it can. All I can think about anymore, is the endgame -- the way to break free of this cycle and get everyone out.

So maybe Magnus did kill. In self-defense? To protect himself, or others? Who can say. No one can say. But we all do, every week, and we don't know how many killers we've let walk -- and how many of their actions are their own free will. As far as I'm concerned, guilty or innocent -- those terms don't apply. And I don't think there's any path forward that doesn't hurt someone. Badly.

Ookurikara's attitude frustrates me, but I truly didn't think anyone else would vote for him.

Taako and Magnus... I know how hard they've both been working behind the scenes, every single trial and beyond - to make sure everyone gets home. I think they both have everyone's best interests at heart, and selfishly... I didn't want to risk them. And I just can't vote for any of these traumatized kids.

[ he just can't. ]

So, he was my choice. And you're right, it was the coward's way out.

[ . . . . . . . if he'd left it with his first statements, perhaps she could've listened.

but what he says about Taako and Magnus manages to get something in her to snap.]

.... do you think - at all? Do you pay attention to only what loud, boorish antics are in front of you, and write off everyone else?

Do you know how tirelessly Kara has been trying from the beginning to get answers? How he's been single-mindedly focused on nothing else but supporting us, saving all of us, and supporting me while none of you bothered to pay attention to his losses just because he doesn't broadcast his pain in sloppy, pitiful displays?!

He collects every power, every item, every search for answers that I can't - because I'm only one person! He exchanges information freely, because there's nothing he wants more than to end all of this!

Say you voted for him because you liked him less! Do not make this into some game of who puts in effort or being worth the risk. I won't stand for this insult of everything he's done!

Those are my personal reasons, it's not a game. It's bias based on my knowledge. As I said.

[ he... doesn't agree, but this isn't about his feelings, so he won't argue. ]

And there's no excuse for it, as I said.

[ but she wanted them, and she got them ]

There isn't - but I see now you don't pay attention to anything that doesn't blatantly exist in front of your nose. How expendable people are to you if they don't place their achievements or struggles on a banner.

[she knows kara isn't easy to get along with - she knows that he even goes out of his way to keep his relationships as shallow as he can make them. but it's never infringed on his ability to work, or how much he'd be willing to do for others.]

Apologize to him. He deserves to hear it more than I do.

You know what you've done - I hope it hangs over your head with every other pitiful choice you make. I'll work with you to the end of this if I must, but I will never forget what you've taken from him and me.

I didn't think he'd want to hear it.... but I will.

As long as you're still willing to work with this group as a whole. That's the most important thing, even though it's a lot to ask -- and we've wronged you, both.

Do you think me so pitiful that I'd ruin our chances at the end just because of this? You truly know nothing about the people around you, no matter what cryptic comments you make to seem mysterious.

[she scowls.]

I hate every single one of you that voted for him, and I hope you are all crushed by the guilt of what you've done.

But there is an entire other side, multiple worlds worth of people I need to save. Their lives have always taken precedent over whatever suffering we're forced to endure.

[she's vicious, and she's angry, and she's also so heartbroken it hurts to breathe -

but by god will she strive to be better than every single person who decided to be a coward today.]

I didn't, no. But it's nice to have the confirmation, anyway. And it is a lot to ask, coming from me. I realize that.

[ he smiles, a little. less cryptic... more sad. ]

And... thank you.

[i desperately wish she cared - and maybe some part of her heart distantly aches, because lili never did anything to stop how it bleeds.

but it's drowned out so thoroughly by her anger.]

Do not thank me. None of what I have to offer is for you any longer. You have neither my trust nor my ear.

I have no room in my life for cowards.

[ it's about what he expected. she deserved to know, he thinks. no matter what the outcome. as long as she keeps moving forward -- as long as this doesn't break her. it's fine if it breaks him a little. he made his choices, after all. and he's already been broken for a long time. ]

Oh, I've never wanted anything for myself -- and I'm not thanking you on my own behalf, either. It's for them. Always has been.

Is there something I can do for you now, other than get out of your sight?

[ if not, he'll be leaving... slowly ]

[if she breaks, she won't let anyone who's wronged her get the satisfaction of seeing it.

that's all it is.]

No. Leave.

And don't approach me again unless it's to discuss how to end all this.

Understood.

[ off he hobbles..... ]

[catchall for lili mc lils]

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